The holidays are supposed to be utterly magical – and they really can be special for a lot of families, especially those with young children.
However, when you’re dealing with a “Disney” co-parent who wants to sweep in and shower the kids with extravagant gifts most of the time, the problem only seems to escalate at this time of the year. How do you cope? Here are some suggestions:
Practice empathy for your ex
Your ex may be acting out of guilt, not malice – particularly if they feel responsible for the breakdown of your family unit. Other times, they may just have different value systems than you that are showing more fully now that you’re not together. Either way, recognize that it’s their attempt to connect with your children, albeit misguided.
Anticipate the issues
Try to communicate with your co-parent, if they’re willing. Ask them what they’re planning to give the kids or what “surprises” they have in store – and then ask them to tone things down a little. Let them know that you appreciate what they’re doing but that too much of a good thing can be disruptive and make it harder on you. If your co-parent isn’t purposefully trying to sabotage you (and many are not), you may get them to cooperate.
Realize it won’t matter
Despite their enthusiasm for all the presents, your children aren’t going to be “bought” by the other parent’s splurges this holiday season. Lasting connections between parents and children are formed through routines, security, emotional bonds and trust. All the gifts may make your co-parent momentarily popular with the children, but it won’t damage your dynamic with them in the long run.
“Disney” moms and dads generally try to focus on being the “fun” parent, the one who brings lavish gifts and lets the kids do anything they want, leaving their co-parent to deal with budgets, routines and responsibilities. In those situations, it can help to have a very clear parenting plan in place throughout the year. Legal guidance may help if your parenting plan seems inadequate for the job.